Being a listener and friend who helps.

I was thinking today about this, and thought I'd share some important things I've been learning about in the last few years. I'm definitely no psych major, and I'm sure there are people with more clear language on this than me, so feel free to comment and add your thoughts if you have more to say on this subject.

When I share something about myself with a friend... a struggle, a heartache, a feeling... what am I really expressing, and why am I sharing? Why do I sometimes walk away feeling relieved, and sometimes walk away feeling miserable? Is it ever worth it to share important things on my heart with the people around me, or do I need to keep more to myself so that I 'protect myself' from that feeling of emptiness when a reaction stifles me?

I think we all feel the need, for some reason, to share our lives and emotions with the people we live with. We are constantly looking for a friend to mutually witness each other's growth and journey in life. We would be miserable if we didn't have avenues of sharing ourselves with each other, I believe. We are meant for intimacy and sharing. So why is this so hard sometimes? We get hurt. We respond out of selfishness to each other sometimes. Yeah, we all make mistakes. I do. So what is it that those certain exceptional supporters and listeners have that we each need in our lives, and how can I become one of those people?

I believe that when a person is struggling with something, they need to be able to recognize what it is, process it and understand it for themselves, and then walk through the journey of working their way through it. And we need each other's help along the way, too. Sometimes we run into emotions that rise up in us like a sudden tsunami. Shoving these feelings down and pretending they don't exist only worsens the burden later on. When a friend shares their feelings with you, knowing that you are someone who cares for them, it can be extremely healing and helpful... if you have the tools to know how to support them. We often miss the ball on how to listen to our friends. Sometimes we can stop their healing process right then and there if we respond in a careless way. This is the point of what I wanted to write about today...

When someone shares something personal with you, a feeling, an emotion, a struggle... it's very very important to validate their emotions by listening with sympathy and understanding. Many people have never even experienced this in their entire lives... and it's so necessary for us not to feel guilty or like we have to shove these feelings down, so that we can then deal with the problem that we are feeling.

Here are a few 'tips' I looked up on 'validating emotions'... I really like them and I think they're great ways to really help people access their own solutions.



-don't dismiss a person's emotions as silly or inconsequential -they are obviously very important to that person.

-listen to your friend in a way that lets him/her know that you are paying attention and taking them seriously.

-don't judge or criticize emotions, but find a way to show the person that you undertand what he/she is feeling.

-remember that words of understanding should always come before words of advice or words of personal challenge

-allow a person to mourn and grieve things that they feel pain over; don't try to hurry them out of the grief. This is an essential step to their healing.