Thank!

Why do we have to give plural 'thanks'? Why not just one thank?

That's my deep thought of the day.

I Spying.

Sometimes when I'm driving in the car alone, I like to spy on people... peek into their lives for a moment. I know, rear view mirrors are for driving safely, but at a red light, they're also very interesting. First thing I notice is how people feel like they're in their own private universes... as though there aren't a dozen other people in their own little pods in a small radius around them. They feel safe to be themselves.

My attention was first drawn watching people in their cars last fall, because for some reason in a week I think I witnessed about 5 fights between people. I just happened to look in the mirror the first time when two people were gesturing and talking angrily at each other, shaking their heads, faces contorted and angry... and then it was as though I was in the middle of half a dozen fights that week. They just kept on happening in the cars around me. It was so strange.

The winter had a lot of dead-looking faces; people exhausted, people tired, people anxious, people leaning their heads against the window, people blank. Now, as summer is here, I see happy faces, smiles, windows rolled down, laughter. It's quite a remarkable change... how easily weather and the time of year affect us all.

Overall, though, I'm always surprised how often people are just blank. They stare. They move as little as possible. They try to give away as little emotion as possible. You'll see that when you walk downtown... all these emotionless faces, trying to keep other people from seeing what's going on inside them... inside their private universe.

Once I did an experiment, for a week... everywhere I went, I let my emotions show on my face. I smiled down the street to myself. I swung my arms and skipped and danced a little. I pondered on the bus. I giggled at funny things. (I'm kind of glad nothing bad happened to me that week... I don't know if I was ready to cry in front of strangers). Something amazing happened. People smiled when they saw me. They stared. They were curious, and surprised, and wanted to watch me. It was very strange, that just by showing my true feelings on my face, people's days seemed brightened. On the bus one evening, as I was going over the Lionsgate Bridge during the sunset, looking over the ocean and smiling. A man approached me at gave me his card... in case I wanted to get into modelling! I laughed to myself, because I knew that he just saw my enjoyment... he saw that moment of delight with God on my face, and wanted to capture it. I almost felt like it was a misinterpretation of the moment.

Since that week, I've made the effort to let my emotions come out a bit more in public. I now and then have a wild and crazy dance in the car to a good song, not caring who sees, because it'll probably make them happy... and it makes me happy, too.

Being a listener and friend who helps.

I was thinking today about this, and thought I'd share some important things I've been learning about in the last few years. I'm definitely no psych major, and I'm sure there are people with more clear language on this than me, so feel free to comment and add your thoughts if you have more to say on this subject.

When I share something about myself with a friend... a struggle, a heartache, a feeling... what am I really expressing, and why am I sharing? Why do I sometimes walk away feeling relieved, and sometimes walk away feeling miserable? Is it ever worth it to share important things on my heart with the people around me, or do I need to keep more to myself so that I 'protect myself' from that feeling of emptiness when a reaction stifles me?

I think we all feel the need, for some reason, to share our lives and emotions with the people we live with. We are constantly looking for a friend to mutually witness each other's growth and journey in life. We would be miserable if we didn't have avenues of sharing ourselves with each other, I believe. We are meant for intimacy and sharing. So why is this so hard sometimes? We get hurt. We respond out of selfishness to each other sometimes. Yeah, we all make mistakes. I do. So what is it that those certain exceptional supporters and listeners have that we each need in our lives, and how can I become one of those people?

I believe that when a person is struggling with something, they need to be able to recognize what it is, process it and understand it for themselves, and then walk through the journey of working their way through it. And we need each other's help along the way, too. Sometimes we run into emotions that rise up in us like a sudden tsunami. Shoving these feelings down and pretending they don't exist only worsens the burden later on. When a friend shares their feelings with you, knowing that you are someone who cares for them, it can be extremely healing and helpful... if you have the tools to know how to support them. We often miss the ball on how to listen to our friends. Sometimes we can stop their healing process right then and there if we respond in a careless way. This is the point of what I wanted to write about today...

When someone shares something personal with you, a feeling, an emotion, a struggle... it's very very important to validate their emotions by listening with sympathy and understanding. Many people have never even experienced this in their entire lives... and it's so necessary for us not to feel guilty or like we have to shove these feelings down, so that we can then deal with the problem that we are feeling.

Here are a few 'tips' I looked up on 'validating emotions'... I really like them and I think they're great ways to really help people access their own solutions.



-don't dismiss a person's emotions as silly or inconsequential -they are obviously very important to that person.

-listen to your friend in a way that lets him/her know that you are paying attention and taking them seriously.

-don't judge or criticize emotions, but find a way to show the person that you undertand what he/she is feeling.

-remember that words of understanding should always come before words of advice or words of personal challenge

-allow a person to mourn and grieve things that they feel pain over; don't try to hurry them out of the grief. This is an essential step to their healing.

Why We Are Afraid Artists

I found this little article that I wrote through a conversation with Dave and our friend Sarah. I came across it and decided that it needed to be shared, in case any of you struggle with these things, too.


We are afraid a lot of the time to pursue the gifts God has given us and the things we love to do, particularly in the arts. Why? Sarah and I came to a conclusion tonight... it's not a fear of failure, exactly, as sometimes we mistake it for... it's a fear of success. Crazy, I know...

When your are not successful, no one expects anything from you. You have freedom to create just out of pure passion and enjoyment of your gifts. You are free to work on independent, grassroots projects with your friends that are so much fun. You are free to be silly, with no image. Your art isn't stunted with the need to impress, to look sophisticated, intelligent, professional, or any of those other grown-up things.

My friend was telling me the other day how this well-known worship-leader finally put on a concert, and everyone was so excited. She said that he rarely puts on shows, even though everyone wants him to and he would easily fill a large venue with eager people as often as he chose to step out of his cocoon. My friend expressed how she loved this guy's humility, because he really doesn't like performing for people, he's really just likes worshipping God.

But as she was talking, my heart was completely on-beat with this worship leader's real feelings. "It's not necessarily humility", I thought... it's the feeling of "Lord, take this cup from me... it's too big for me!" It's the fear of all the expectations that will be on you once you are 'big'... and how much that will make you feel boxed-in to an image that you aren't even sure is you. Artists are so often on a constant life-exploration of who they are... they are constantly morphing, changing, etc... and how often do you hear disappointed fans talk about their favourite artist's newest album that is so different from the last one that they loved? As an artist, you're always raising the bar on yourself; sometimes even accomplishing a good project makes you fearful of doing the next one.

For most of us, the words 'going big' feel like a lot to handle. When Sarah get's told that she's going to be 'big' in this world, she gets overwhelmed with the whole thing... with the big picture... how do I get there? The big picture tends to drown out the simplicity of each little daily step. Our little minds can't see how the whole thing all together will play out, and we forget that we only need to put one foot in front of the other one at a time. The big picture of going big, feels too big for who we are.

We need to come to the place as artists, where no matter who or how many we are performing to, who we are working with, or what is expected of us, we are able to create and perform purely with the joy of just doing it. We want to be walking away from each experience just glad to have been able to create, whether or not it bombed.

Because, the fact is, the world needs what we have to communicate. I'll quote a friend of ours: "You have an F***ing moral obligation to people like me and to this world to let your voice be blown through a loudspeaker."
Another friend of ours who is a firefighter expressed to us how he needs what us artists have... because he doesn't get that in his daily life, and when he experiences Holy-Spirit-inspired art, if feeds him in a way that makes him realize that he was STARVING for it. The world needs our expressions of what God has put in us. It's non-negotiable in a way... God gives it to us; it's to share. It's valuable to this world.

So find what it is that gets your creative juices flowing... that get's your hands eager to create... that gets your mind flowing with ideas... find out what inspires you. Is it a U2 concert? Is it going into an art gallery? Is it going for a solo hike in the mountains? Is it having an invigorating conversation with a good friend? Is it going to see a good play? Playing make-believe?

What inspires you and gets your creative juices flowing?

What piece of work by someone else do you wish you had created?

Who are your heroes, and what are the traits that make them your heroes?

Deep Thought of the Day

Standing at the kitchen sink the other day, flipping the switch and dazedly listening to the satisfying munching sound garbling up all the veggie scraps, I thought to myself:

Garburators remind me of the old days... the VERY OLD days, that is... when people had caged carnivores to toss anything to that they weren't pleased with.

Good things come to those who wait... and sleep!

I decided to elaborate this old proverb when I was thinking the other day how important sleep is. It was late at night, and I was starting to feel panicky about life: 'where is my life going? will God really provide for us? Do any of my friends REALLy like me? Am I totally on the wrong path here?'

All these irrational, worrysome thoughts just started flooding into my mind, like an open sewer in a rainstorm. Ick. Then I suddenly remembered, I'm tired. My mind does emotional cartwheels when I'm tired. I know that. Time to go to bed.

Yup. When I don't get enough sleep, I get grumpy, depressed, my body can't keep up with dance class, and every little setback seems like the end of the world. I get teary, I get rude, and if there's a worry that I could grasp onto, I will.

Which brings me to another thought: I really really don't know how new parents survive, waking up at all hours of the night. I guess I'll find out some day. But really, I commend all parents right now for getting through life and marriage and new parenthood on little to no sleep. You are AMAZING.

Still Not Asleep

Still awake, so here are a few pictures Dave took of me in Langley this year. I don't have many new pictures... because we really need to get a good digital camera. Everything's digital these days. It's convenient. But there's still something cool about these old SLR's from the 1970's and 80's. A magical quality to the film...

This 'photoshoot', by the way, are for my new website, soon to be released. (In the next few weeks)
Here's Dave, too. I had to take one of him.

Notice the cool shallow depth-of-field? In my opinion (<--so that the photographer pros don't come after me on this one) only the nice old lenses give you this nice of an effect.

coffeedisiac

It's 1:18am. I'm awake. Yes, I do have to get up early for a physio appointment before dance tomorrow, and no, there's no deadline that I'm trying to make on some last-minute assignment. I am awake because of my friend that I visit now and again (and not too often), coffee.

Since I'm awake, I thought I'd check my sister's blogs out and see what they were up to. After that, not being at ALL tired yet, I thought I'd write my own little blurb.

So let me tell you about coffee and me. Last time I had a cup, making sure it was duly sugared-up for a non-regular like myself, I was hyper for the next 48 hours. Not only that, I was uncontrollably happy. I decided that I must have been depressed for the last little while and that, WOW, something just switched in me! I did little dances around the house, noted that my pulse raced even when I was sitting down, and at bedtime, seemed to go from bolt-alert to fast asleep in seconds. Nothing could get my spirits down. Then it wore off, and I returned to normal life, laughing at how manically happy I must have seemed to my bemused husband.

I also found it extremely productive. I think I choreographed half a dance, painted a whole painting, and cleaned the walls with windex. Now, I already have kind of a weird cleaning fetish that kicks in now and then (usually late at night or when I'm procrastinating)... but windexing the walls in a flurry... uh... I think I ended up windexing everything I saw that was dirty.

Anyhow, you'd think that someone with such a strong, kind of fun reaction to coffee would start to drink it all the time, but here's why I'm not going to make it a habit...

1. my poor poor husband couldn't handle all that energy!

2. I think I need to know for myself that I can be all that happy and energetic now and then without a drug stimulant.

3. brown teeth, bad breath

4. what kind of crash would I have when I DON'T have it? I already have a job of feeding my body enough normal food.

Well, those are reasons to convince myself, because the resulting productivity, fancy barleyish taste, and the nice idea of 'coffee time' are all trying to convince me otherwise!

Well, over and out. Wish me sleep. I hope I can get some.

hi adventure.

So here I am, typing away in my new home. It's so fun having our very own place... I mean, I have an art room... HELLO! And some stability in having a home-base is really nice. Funny thing, even though we've just bought our first home and I should be really appreciating it right now, I've felt more able to focus on the adventures we'll have all over the world in our lifetime. Perhaps having this 'base' has made me stop thinking about needing a home and opened my eyes to the other things I'm looking forward to in life. I know that God can do adventures even when you have a mortgage, but there's just something in these new 'grown up' circumstances that makes me determined not to settle in for good. Nope. I want to see the world! I want to pray for a dead person to become alive again, and see God do it firsthand. I want to make albums, create dance shows, start a retreat center, experience opposite cultures to my own, tell people about God's love and see them transformed, be in the center of a revival, change the world that's around me, live on a beach in Hawaii (I know, it almost doesn't go with the others, but hey- it's still a dream of mine!).... and have kids... and climb lots and lots of trees, and swim in warm water, and bury my legs in the sand, and look through a microscope at tiny things, and be in wonder of life and the people around me.

Wow. I just tired myself out listing all that stuff. Goodnight.