Fart Book- not for the faint-hearted

I recall when I was a kid my dad bought us "the Fart Book" and "The Booger Book". In these books were detailed cartoons and descriptions of the different kinds of Farts and Boogers that there are in life. I thought it was hilarious. So did my sister Laura, who seemed to also be in the stage when that stuff is hilarious.

I was so inspired, I wrote a book. Yes, I wrote my own book. I wrote my own FART book. Unpublished, of course, except among my friends. In it, I made up all sorts of my own names for farts. I even dedicated one kind to my Dad.

Now, I think it's ironic that I, a girl who wrote a fart book at age 11, ended up marrying a guy who is disgusted with all bodily functions. I'm not just talking that he says 'gross' when a toot comes up. No, he practically gags if blood, guts, vomit, feces, piddle, or farts are even talked about. (I can picture him reading this blog, and turning away when he got to that sentence to recover himself.) When I once asked him, "Don't YOU fart sometimes?" He replied, "I have a clean-burning system."

And I think it's true. At first, I was a little perturbed by Dave's absense of farting & talking about any of that stuff. I'm not exagerating, either. He has ONCE, count em, ONCE farted in front of me in the entire length of our relationship. But then, I realized something... that most other women are trying to get their husbands to stop farting in front of them... and are pretty sick of bathroom humour. I started to think, hey! I have this pretty good!

The only thing left to face is... when I go into labour with our first child one day. I think we may need a personal nurse for Dave, who may be turning white and fainting.

I love you Dave!