Thanks God

I'm in Lilloet today, a small town on a valley plateau amidst massive rocky mountains. Dave and I drove here yesterday with our friend Garnet... on a whim and a slight feeling that it would be good and needed for us right now. Garnet was hired by his friend Mike (who lives in Lilloet) to run a 'media camp' for some First Nations kids on a reserve just out of town. Since Dave is a media-man and visionary cohort with Garnet, we came up too.

As we drove, I strained to look out the windows of the car at everything I could possibly take in. The mountains. The unique dry pine forests. The deep canyon that we followed along on the highway. The remote farms on grassy plateaus above the river. I had been craving something... I had been yearning for something, and I almost felt I might find it somewhere in the wild desert landscape around us. So I watched attentively. I took in the sunny day. I rolled down the window and let my hand be blasted by the warm wind rushing by. I told God how much I wanted to be refreshed and renewed and to know what I am living for... to know what I, Anna, am living for. What is my colour in the tapestry of life? I've lost it lately, or it's faded. I hoped for some purpose to be highlighted in my life... some bigger, important story to draw out my courage and valour. I know they must be in there somewhere.

Well, we arrived that night and then began the media workshop with the kids today. It was really good... they were a surprising bunch of kids -full of energy and fun. They loved using the cameras and goofing around in front of them. I left that afternoon with such a gladness that I had come... gladness that I had been a part of a team that was doing something simple... but good. I felt a piece of joy being put back in me. Just a little piece, but it was something.

Later on in the evening, 4 of us took a hike along the Fraser river to see a waterfall. The rocky peaks far above us were warmed with the orange light of the low sun, and the sky was a white, almost light-pink colour. As I walked along the trail through the woods in the warm August air, something began to well up in me again. All the discouragement, disappointment, and apathy of what I've felt in the last few months began to melt. The sound of the river, the peace of the sky, the power of the mountain range... "I'm a country girl!" I yelled out loudly, my companions smiling amusedly. Yes, funny, but that's all I could think to say at that moment of gladness. I thought about it: "Why do I feel so strangled by the city... so dead, but when I enter the wilderness, I feel passion for life come to me again?"

The waterfall was cool and refreshing to see, and I touched my fingers in the swiftly flowing liquid. I was being filled more and more with life and refreshment... that by the time we started hiking back, I took off in a sprint ahead of the others. I couldn't help it. It felt like if I didn't run, I would combust. I haven't had so much energy in a while. I ran far, with long strides, feeling my lungs work once again with long breaths, feeling like I was almost floating. I was renewed. I was so thankful, and it was flowing out of me like the river I ran alongside.

Sometimes I wish I could live out here, in the wilderness, but I know that it's just for refreshment for me right now. I know also that if I had come out to Lilloet aimlessly, with no team or goal, I would have still felt as lost as I did before. There is something in the pouring out that allows more from God to be poured in.

When we got back to our starting point, at the car, we stood and took in the first few stars that were coming out, still chatting... Dave lifted his arms with his shirt off, and then, to our surprise, he dropped his pants! The rest of us looked at him and laughed out loud... (of course he had his undies on still). He said he just wanted to let the breeze flow through him. So I guess I wasn't the only one receiving something from this beautiful place.

So I'm thankful. I'm thankful for renewed passion for life. I'm thankful that God is so kind that he brings along what we need right at the exact moment that we most need it. I'm thankful that there are such places that are so beautiful that they inspire spontaneous dreaming, sprinting, pant-dropping, and laughing. I am thankful for the place that God has for me in this world, that must be more than just having what I want and need. I'm thankful that his role for me in SO much more. I'm thankful for his company on this journey.