the little things

I'm sitting here in the Rosen's living room, with my friend Sarah Robertson and my husband Dave joking in the background (I'm trying really hard to concentrate on writing a blog in the midst of this). It's been a good day... trying hard in class, hanging with people, driving around, playing music, doing laundry...

I'm finding that lately I have to mentally make myself relax. I feel like the way I'm dealing with having a schedule (I haven't had one for 2 years before this)... is that I'm counting every 15 minutes that goes by with a panic that my daily 'free' time is running out, and I still have so much to do. I need to sit down and tell myself: "breathe, Anna. Don't think about all the things you aren't doing. Don't even think. Don't even count out rhythms with one of the muscles in your body. (I always do that)... Just breathe."



What makes a moment productive? I'm a very tactile person who loves enjoying every sense I have... I love to smell tasty or sweet things... I like to close my eyes when the sun is shining on my skin and feel the heat... I like to look at the birds playing games of tag in the sky above the fields here... I like to enjoy tastes of teas and savory foods (I'm really into potatos right now). But these days, I've been gathering stress for no good reason and forgetting to enjoy all those little things. Usually I find those things valuable to take the time for. I think I will do that tomorrow morning. Or NOT 'do' anything tomorrow morning.

Anyway, that's all. Just a little thought of the day.

Oh the emotions!

Today was a strange day for me...

In ballet class, we were doing some excercises going across the floor, and as usual, it was taking me a little longer to catch on. Only today, I really didn't have much energy to put into getting it right. After trying to do the routine, and giving up halfway through because I messed it up, I went back to the wall and tried to laugh it off... only the laugh turned into a sob, and the sobs wouldn't stop. At first, no one saw because everyone else was still concentrating on their turn to do the excericise, but when my friends looked at me, I was heaving full sobs and my eyes were streaming.

I just couldn't stop. I started, and I could not stop! It's like the tide opened and all the stress of this sudden new life, the challenge of trying to dance, our finances still not picking up, a really busy schedule, and all the pressure I put on myself to do well all caught up with me.

So I took a moment to go to the washroom to try and calm down. But the sobs kept on going... without me even knowing why. The rest of the class I felt like I was just barely holding the tears in. Later, I went up to the Rosen's house and was sitting at the table having some food, thinking I could calm down now... and almost every person who walked in made me cry just by looking at me sympathetically. Yes, I sat there at the table sobbing for a while. Oh... the humilitation of public crying... but it was really out of my control, and it did feel like the most real day I've had in a while.

I still don't really know why I'm so overwhelmed. Sometimes the tears just come without you calling them, and they don't stop until they're done. They're done now, by the way... and tomorrow is another day... another day of pushing on, flying straight, doing what I love to do, even if it's hard.

Here's to struggling through... and overcoming!

God is so crazy fun!

Last night Dave and I went to Samuel's Mantle, an amazing prophetic-training course (http://www.samuelsmantle.com), and had such a good time! I always enjoy it there... truth is taught so simply and straight-forwardly... I always come away feeling such easy access to God and hearing him.

Well, last night, a cool little thing happened. We were all split up into pairs, everyone with someone they didn't know. I sat down with a woman named Carol. We were told to write out a prayer for each other, before asking any questions about eachother's lives... a great little way to realize how much you hear from God...

So I sat there writing, words and pictures easily flowing out of the Spirit for Carol... just general encouragement. Halfway through, I suddenly sensed that there was something wrong in her body... her right leg. I just kept on seeing it highlighted, and heard the words, "right leg, right leg, right leg." I thought maybe it was a symbol for something, but it seemed too clear to be anything other than her right leg being 'unwell'... not injured, but something was wrong in it. Anyways, I wrote down that God wanted to heal her in her right side... with lots of question marks and maybe's beside it.

When we had to read the prayers out to each other afterward, I went along, the general encouragement being well-received, and then I paused at the right leg thing... yikes... God, do I HAVE TO? These things are so RISKY to say! But I said it tentatively anyway... "and... I think... God wants to heal your right leg??"

Carol's eyes widened, and she exclaimed, "OH BLESS YOU!"

That's good, right? Is this relevant, I asked? She explained that about 9 years ago, she had a stroke that left her right side of her body with a lot of damage and loss of feeling. She was blind in her right eye and couldn't drive because of it, and had problems with her right leg, too.

It was so amazing that God spoke that. I couldn't believe that I actually heard it. I was so excited. God is so cool! I know that, but he always surprises me even more.

So much creative energy!

Well, I don't know what to write about today, but all I can say is that I have so much creative energy in me right now. It's almost uncontainable... I feel like I could choreograph 20 dance pieces, design 10 posters, paint 15 paintings, write 45 songs, record 3 albums, redecorate 20 rooms, and still be going. Those are approximate numbers, by the way... I just threw them out there.

I'm jittery with too much energy at 10:30pm... what's going on around here? Maybe my more busy schedule is actually giving me more creative drive. Hmmm... this could be a very interesting year.

Welcome to the world...

Welcome to the world, wee little one, Elliot! You're very peaceful and floppy and squishy and very cute. You have a really good family, so I know you're going to do great.

Everyone, this is my new nephew.

and I thought THAT was pain...

Okay... even more pain... I spoke too soon. Breakdancing is rightly named. I feel broken. Auuawoow....

PAIN!

Wow... dancing is pain. We had Jazz and Ballet today. Let me tell you, I think both of the teachers stepped it up a notch in pushing us further during the warm-ups and stretching. As I lay in a leg-stretching position of pain today, straining forward and then being pushed down from behind by the teachers, I thought, "dancing is pain!"

Yes, every day we do so many painful stretches to try to get our bodies to contort in ways that make us look more beautiful and graceful when we dance. I can feel all these excercises changing my joints and flexibility... I'm transforming... slowly!

So I thought, "dancing is pain!"... and I almost cried while I had to hold the splits I couldn't do... then I secretly thought, "I'm kind of proud of it!"

Seriously... I like it somehow... am I sick and twisted to like pain? No... but I feel a sense of accomplishment that I had to suffer in order to grow. I don't think I've suffered much in life. I think God's had be on a pretty blessed, gentle path, and so I kind of felt glad to be pushed to that point for some greater good.

Anyway, that's all for today. A lot of my blogs may be about dancing these days, because it's just so fun and I can't help loving it!

I miss my family!

Hey Family, this is for you...

I miss my family! Life is good out here, but I really miss you guys. How is everyone? How's the new baby? How are the parents, the sisters, the brothers-in-law, the nieces?

Today is a quiet Sunday morning, and it makes me think of friends and family that I miss. I've finally had a chance to slow down from all the craziness of my new schedule, and all my thoughts are catching up to me now. Friends and family, hope you are well. Drop me a line and tell me what's new or how you are... because I love you all!

Later.